It's the May long weekend, the youth and Brad are in West Kelowna at Green Bay Bible Camp for the May camp retreat... and I'm not there. (sigh) This is the seventh May Camp. Brad and his collegue Tim started May Camp back in 2005. I missed the fourth Camp for a good reason otherwise I made every effort to be there for all the other years. I never had any role while I was there and if I may vent here a moment... yes I'm married to a youth pastor but I'm not "involved" in the youth ministry. I know this bothers some people, although they've never voiced it directly to me. I was not involved in the youth ministry before Brad and I met so the notion that I should become a leader simply because I'm now married to him is ludicrous to me. What if I spend all my time as a leader in the youth and I'm not able to serve in an area that I'm actually gifted or feel God calling me too? Yes I went to May Camp, and yes I've gone to different events but that is purely as support for Brad and to just have an unpressured opportunity to get to know the youth individually and on an informal basis. I don't think it's fair to spouses of pastors or ministry directors to expect the same ministry involvement from them. Suppose a Doctors wife was expected to enter into medicinal practice, or a lawyers husband was expected to clerck for his wife? Unheard of!
So... I went to camp simply to be there for my husband, I often felt useless and in the way but he assured me that it was important to him that I be there. I kept going even after we had Carlon and brought Carlon along. It was...... manageable.... but exhausting. Carlon doesn't sleep well when he's away from home. Well this year add Noah and it seemed utterly impossible. I was still prepared to go until Thursday as I began to visualize the drive up, me and the two boys as Brad would be in a separate car, a five hour drive to Kelowna. Setting up our accomodations at the camp -challenging- dealing with an 11 week old that still isn't on a solid schedule and a 2 1/2 year old that is not doing a very good job of listening to mommy these days. Add to that the fact that Brad is working while he's there... he is not able to be daddy and husband. It took some arguing in my head but I finally came to my senses and realized that doing it by myself at home would be alot easier than doing it by myself at camp :( I'm not happy about it, in fact, even as I type this I'm wishing I was there. I just got off the phone with Brad and now am dreading going to bed even though I'm exhausted.
As much as it pains me to say... I think I have to say good bye to May Camp. Next year I will still have young children and it will still be a challenge to take them, the year after as well (sigh)
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