Well, what began this past April has finally come to completion. We are done at Bethany. It's odd to type those words, to look at them, to say them out loud. Don't get me wrong, I never had the slightest notion that Brad would live out the rest of his pastoral ministry at Bethany. It was something we discussed at length before getting married. I, as of this up coming Christmas, would have been an attendee at Bethany for 15 years, a member for 13 years. Brad came on as youth pastor eight and a half years ago. We began dating shortly after his arrival, were married a year later and now 7 years and almost 3 kids have rounded out our time there.
We always knew we'd be saying good-bye eventually, it doesn't make it any easier to do so when you are in the thick of it though. I have lived a good chunk of my impressionable years at Bethany. I was baptized there, made lasting friendships, discovered and developed the gifts God has given me and met and married my husband, lived through a challenging miscarriage, a bed rest pregnancy, another that went full (and I mean FULL term) and now this last baby... waiting for the day to arrive.
As much as you talk about something, you can only be so prepared for it, especially if you've never experienced such a journey before. There have been bumps and turns and views in this latest road that have surprised me. I have tripped and slid, at times I have strolled and for a brief moment I was able to run... currently I am walking... slowly, and not just because I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm walking with Brad and the boys. This is not a time to be rushing.
I want to take this opportunity to tell my Bethany family a few things. I was too overcome with emotion Sunday to express any of it.
First of all, thank you. The moment I walked through the doors at the old location at Quebec and 50th in December '97 I felt that I was home. That is not something you can manufacture, sure it helped that I already knew several people but that doesn't mean that I would feel a connection or know that God had me exactly where He wanted me.
It is no secret that Bethany went through a very,
very challenging time a few years back. It was incredibly painful to see my home torn to pieces the way it was. At the time I never thought I'd see Bethany come through the other side. I confess there were times when it was extremely difficult, near impossible to come to church, to continue to serve and be involved. Several times I shared with friends that were I not married to Brad I would have left the pain that Bethany was dealing with and gone to another church. Deep down then and even now I know that to have done that would have been to my loss. There is such great blessing in committment and service, through the good and bad times. Being a part of a church body means you are part of a family and family is hard, we all know that. But if we love our family we stay committed to each other and to seeing it thrive and grow.
I suppose that is also part of what makes this good bye so hard to say. I'm so glad that Bethany is on the road to healing and health and to have to leave before I can see it to it's full fruition is upsetting. To have invested so much into my family and then to have to move on leaves a big hole for me. I am now asking myself the questions 'Did I do enough? Did I serve God to my fullest? Did I love my family well enough? Do I have any regrets?' These are difficult questions to answer and I'm getting the feeling that I might never be able to. God's grace will have to see me through that and I'll have to trust that no matter what I did or didn't do, He used it all to His glory.
As Brad and I wait on the Lord for our next ministry home I would urge my Bethany family to not wait for God to drop a ministry opportunity in your lap. You are already in a ministry home and you have multiple opportunities to serve Him. Seek them out, seek Him out, seek out your brothers and sisters in Christ and their needs, seek out the community around you and around Bethany. The need is great and you are all ministers. It's not hard, we make it more challenging than it needs to be. Remind yourself how Christ loves you and go out and love your neighbour likewise. Each one of you has a tremendous gift designed by God especially for you to use for His glory. When you say "Yes" to Him you become part of His wonders and your life will explode with joy. Had I said no to God that December I would have never received the blessing of friendship, my husband, my children and so much more.
I love you all and will miss you deeply. Thank you for the impact you've had on my life, my husband's life and the lives of my children. Because of that we will take you with us where ever we go.
Shalom
